Coaching Kids to Be Honest

“Where did you get that?”  I don’t know.

“Did you just hit your brother?” No.

“Who colored on the wall?” It wasn’t me.

If you’re the parent of a child in early elementary-school, you’ve likely heard all of these lines by now.

As parents, of course we want our children to always tell the truth, but as we know, telling the truth isn’t always so easy.  Fears of getting into trouble, embarrassment from committing the crime and wishing we truly didn’t do it, are all reasons that children, and even adults, may opt to lie over telling the truth.

So how can you coach your kids to be honest when telling a lie can be so tempting?

1. Be a role model for truth. Have you ever lied about your child’s age so that he could eat off the kid’s menu or get into the amusement part for free? Ever been pulled over and asked “Did you know you were going 65 mph in a 45 mph zone?” Has anyone really ever said yes? Have you told your child that shots won’t hurt when they really do? Children learn what they live. So this simple truth places our focus back on basic fact: if you want your child to tell the truth, you must tell the truth, even when it hurts.

2. Don’t set your kids up to lie.  Have you encouraged your child to lie without even thinking about it? Perhaps you’ve encouraged your child to tell a white lie to avoid hurting feelings (Tell Aunt Pat you love the painting of a three legged dog she gave you for Christmas.) or asked a question that you know she’ll answer dishonestly, like asking her if she colored on the wall while she has a crayon in her hand. Avoid setting up a trap that you’ll catch her in. Doing so has no real purpose.

3. Be consistent. If you let your child eat a grape from the store without paying for it, she is not going to know it’s wrong to take something else. Be consistent with your expectations for being honest in word and deed and communicate these expectations often.

4. Create a safe environment to be truthful. If your child feels loved and safe she’s more likely to come to you when she’s done something wrong. Creating a warm environment that promotes and respects truth will encourage truth bearing.

5. Show appreciation for truth.  Thank your child when she tells the truth. Even if you aren’t happy with what the truth is, let your child know that you appreciate her honestly and how important it is to be truthful.

There used to be a commercial that said, “If you tell one lie, it leads to another. So you tell two lies, to cover each other. Then you tell three lies, oh, brother. You’re in trouble, up to your ears.” With so many variances of lying, white lies, lying by omission, stealing, cheating and spinning the truth, it’s important to coach children to care about their character and to make being honest a priority from the get-go. When you do, you’ll raise children who value truth, honesty and are more apt to tell the truth, even when doing so is tough.

Dr. Goode is the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents International, a global online school for training successful, parenting coaches in home-based businesses. She is the author of fifteen books, including the international best seller, Kids Who See Ghosts, the national award-winner Raising Intuitive Children. See and review all of Dr. Goode’s books here.  Dr. Goode is also the founder of HeartWise Parent, learning center for parents and Live-Spirit.com, which provides tools for spiritual living.

If you enjoyed this article, please share it with friends.