Nurturing the Self-Identity—Your Child’s Snapshots of You

Do you ever wonder how your child sees himself, and which images of you replay in her mind when she daydreams or think of you?  When I speak to my children, I keep in my mind that as they see my face, my eyes, my expressions, their brains are clicking snapshots of me. Simultaneously, children are also associating feelings with those snapshots. All these information bits are stored in his or her brain and transforms into a child’s image of self.

Have you ever consider if your child sees himself the way you see him? Children’s identities are formed over time and continue to form well into adolescence and into young adulthood.

The acceptance and respect a child gains from his parents can contribute to him having a positive sense of self, or a positive self -identity.

You can help your child develop a positive self-identity by:

Noticing how you respond and react to your child. When you respond with kindness and flattery, and when you actively listen to your child and make him and his needs a priority, you are helping him develop a positive self-concept. Children who are neglected, picked on and treated unkindly tend to develop a negative sense of self.

Being cautious with comparisons. Use caution when making comparisons between your child and others, especially siblings and friends. How children see themselves in relation to others, or how they believe others see them in relation to others, affects their concept of self. If a child feels those around him are more athletic, advanced, happier, more loved or richer, a child can begin to develop a negative sense of self.

Being purposeful about feedback and noticing achievement. Children who have a healthy identity tend to have a positive concept of who they are as a person, usually in relationship to what you have noticed or praised, such as swimming well, walking the balance beam, or drawing pictures. They will repeat the task or not based upon feeling successful in YOUR eyes.

Rewarding effort, even with the outcome isn’t what was desired, helps to boosts self-esteem. ”I really noticed how hard you worked on your paper. I admire your level of commitment to getting schoolwork done” goes a long way in helping a child to feel good about themselves, even when the result wasn’t what they desired or expected.  Showing affection, being a positive role model, and providing opportunities for children to connect through enjoyable activities with their peers foster self-esteem, which will boost a child’s sense of self.

By showing your unconditional love and support to your child, you can notice, reflect, and respond in a positive effort to help a child remember the internalized snapshots of who he or she is as a positive sense of self.

Here is a replay from the HeartWise Parent Telesummit. Enjoy!

Replay:

© 2012 Dr. Caron Goode