“Coaching is relationship building that helps you gain insight into how you can help an individual if there are some holes, like lack of confidence or understanding. A leader has to have insight about each team member’s interactive style. You can’t help or communicate appropriately if you don’t have any real understanding of what a person is like, what motivates him, what’s holding him back, what’s prevented him from being all he can be.”
-Dick Vermeil, NFL Head Coach
Do Your Children Hear You?
- Have you ever felt that you and your child speak different languages when it comes to tackling tasks?
- Do you feel your children don’t hear you?
- When they cry or misbehave, do you understand what dynamic simmers below the surface behavior?
- Do you chalk up your incompatibilities or miscommunications to an underlying personality conflict? If so, you’re onto something… powerful interactions that spark the connections.
If you are not connecting, your interactive style is not reaching your child.
Anyone who has spent time around children notices how each child has a unique and different way of interacting with people, places, and tasks. Whether we are teachers, little league coaches or parents, if we are not connecting emotionally with children, we are not being heard, felt or respected.
The point is…neither are the children. Knowing and responding to a child’s core temperament style will repair the disconnections and provide an environment for success.
Even as adults, we notice that different people in our lives have diverse approaches to handling stress, tackling tasks and navigating through life’s sticky situations.
We’re all born with a natural predisposition to interact with people and do tasks in a certain way, and it’s this unique constellation of how we do what we do that is our own interactive style.
Have You Experienced A Similar Situation?
For example, Sandy is a super organized mom, and her son Josh is a laid-back daydreamer who easily is consumed by his thoughts, which often take him off task. While Sandy waits at the door, briefcase, and coffee in hands, Josh is wandering about the living room, looking for a Game Boy he just can’t find, and he still hasn’t eaten his breakfast! Sandy can’t stand to be late and grows increasingly frustrated each morning that Josh isn’t moving fast enough. Sure enough, she starts screaming, “Why can’t you get it together? Why do you always do this?”
At times, Sandy feels that Josh intentionally tries to make them both late for their morning destinations. The real truth is that Sandy and Josh have different ways of interacting with their world. Sandy doesn’t know how to connect with Josh to motivate his movement or focus.
This clash of interactive styles is often at the root of miscommunications, unpleasant interactions and the misunderstandings of expectations. The good news is, that once parents understand their child’s interactive style, communication and relations always become enjoyable, more productive and more effective. Once Sandy identified that Josh’s interactive style wasn’t compelled by a ticking clock, she looked for something that would inspire him to help mom and get them both get out of the house on time. Sandy found success in setting up a solid morning routine through which Josh helped his mom with morning breakfast and organization. Josh felt connected to Sandy when she appreciated him for helping her, and he did so gladly.
In addition to being part of the force that drives us to do what we do, the way we do it, our core interactive style is the foundation from which we
- Build our values,
- Build our motivation,
- Formulate our reactions to the world around us.
Core interactive styles are why some people thrive when working on deadline, and others can barely function by the clock. It’s why some kids learn by reading and others learn by doing.